Tuesday, 15 February 2011
This is now an archived post. Thank you for all your comments, and all your support; it really meant a lot to me.
10 days on.
It's been a week and a half since my relationship ended; one of the most difficult and painful times of my life so far. I can't deny there were moments where I didn't know how I was going to go on; that's not to say that I knew I could and would go on, strong, independently, but I just didn't see the way forward.
But this is not a post to mope about what happened, to dwell on the past; no, this is a post to celebrate friendship and support, and real affection from those around you, that all too often can get, even accidentally, overlooked when you're in a relationship.
Because here's the thing: for every moment when I felt like I was empty and lost and alone, I've found that someone was there to inspire me, give me hope, pick me back up and help me to be strong again. I've found that I have the most amazing friends and family that I could ever ask for. Honestly. Here is just a snippet of the support I've been offered:
My parents have listened to me talk and mull over everything repeatedly, not once complaining. My grandparents have been there to offer hugs and opinions and I had a comforting chat with my cousin. Family friends have been in touch to offer support. One of my closest friends flew over from the south of France - yes, really; a good eight-hour journey - to spend a girly weekend over here with me and our other friends (and we had so much fun - photos to follow soon). Another one of my closest friends has been in constant contact every day since it happened, offering to travel down to London from rural Bucks to see me and always on the other end of the phone - and came along to the London girly weekend, offering so much support and love. Another friend is helping me to drown my sorrows with a string of nights out at cocktail bars and long chats. Another good friend sent one of the sweetest messages I've ever read, offered to meet up whenever I want, and has called and texted every few days. On top of that, I've met concerned old university friends for drinks in London who offered hugs and laughs, and have been invited down to Brighton with other uni friends for future girly feel-good weekends. One of my oldest friends is coming back to London this weekend from where she now lives, quite far away, partly just to hang out with me and offer support. Old friends who I've drifted apart from over the last few months or years have rallied around with texts and offers to meet up and chat. Everyone at work has been kind and I've received some lovely messages of regret and support from people I wouldn't even necessarily have expected to hear from - old acquaintances and now distant friends, offering help and chats if they were needed.
Add to that, lovely readers, the amazing comments you left on my previous blog post - which really blew me away in the level of care and concern you showed, and some of the inspirational things you said - and, all in all, I hope you can agree that I am a very lucky girl to have such amazing people in my life in all these different ways. (And I will reply to your comments very soon, I promise! They meant a lot, each and every one.)
I haven't posted for 10 days because I've felt lost and completely uninspired. I knew that February 14th would be a hard day to get through; not only Valentine's Day, it was also his birthday, and so I spent the day being painfully reminded of both occasions. Hard, yes, but it turned out that even yesterday wasn't as bad as it could well have been; the end of the girly weekend, I woke up with my friend in our hotel room in London and received a gorgeous Valentine's Day card from her which almost made me tear up and made me feel strong enough to power on through the day at work, aided by supportive chats with some friends and family in the evening.
The most painful, challenging days are over now, I think; I've got through the first tough patch, and I've got through the double whammy of his birthday/Valentine's - and so, I know, it's onwards and upwards from here.
And that's not to say that I won't have days, hours, moments, where I think of him and feel that familiar tightening in my chest and that stab of painful reality running through me; but now, I know that I can be strong, and that horrible heartbreak is - very, very slowly - beginning to edge away.
Because I realised for the first time this year that Valentine's is about showing people, romantic relation or not, that you care for them; letting those around you know that you love them and realising that you are loved. And, single I may be, but if I have learnt one thing in the past 10 days, it is that I am loved by those around me more than I ever knew or appreciated.
How was your Valentine's? Who are the people you care about the most, and that care about you the most? Do you think you appreciate them enough?
images via weheartit.com